my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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