just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
