I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
