we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize