Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
