I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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