I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
