Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
