remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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