i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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