I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
