So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
