my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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