You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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