If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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