He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
