i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
