that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
