You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
