Swine flu. Run for my life!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize