Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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