I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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