Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
