Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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