Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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