shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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