Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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