Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
