how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize