If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
