I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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