It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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