I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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