life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
