I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
