i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
