were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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