Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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