I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize