I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
