You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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