She said her name was "party"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
