so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
false alarm. still invincible.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
