there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
