The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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