i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A bitchslap is in order.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
