Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
