Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
