She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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