Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
