i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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