is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
