If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
