If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
