dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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