My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
