She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
