I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
