Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
