Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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