Got a toothbrush?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
