she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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