How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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