Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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