So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
