walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
