I can text with my tongue
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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