The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
