She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
vagina is talking i cant
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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