so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
