May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
