We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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