Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
