Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
