If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
