Who did Billy Mays play for?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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