My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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