I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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