Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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