Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
