you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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