She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
