Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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