My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am midnight drunk by noon
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
