You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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