he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
