ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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