The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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