Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
