she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
