when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
