everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
