So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
