Actions speak louder than pants.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
