she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
