do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
