she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize