HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
