Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
And then he peed in my hair
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